It's Always Best To Start At The Beginning

I worry.  I worry a lot!  I'm a perfectionist, who takes everything to heart and always questions what could have been done differently.  I am the first to admit when I am wrong.  I am the last to admit defeat and I often times blame myself for things that are really beyond my control.  I am the queen of second guessing myself - professionally and personally.  And, I can tell you first-hand this is a very stressful way to live!  So, as I take on my soul searching quest, my first realization is that I must change the level of stress and pressure I exert on myself.  This could be easier said than done!  Stay tuned for further updates...this is a work in progress!

This morning, as I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for him to tell me if my surgery was successful or not (yikes!), I started to think. Uh Oh!  What if he tells me the surgery wasn't successful.  What if I have months more of having to sit back and watch the world race by.  I slept very little last night.  Fortunately, he gave me great news and now I've been given the ok to begin life as usual.  But, this surgery has put everything into perspective for me.  "Life as usual" is not what I want.  Now that I've been cleared physically, I have an amazing chance to make a difference in my life.  But where do I start??

Glinda, the "Good Witch" once told a young girl from OZ that "it's always best to start at the beginning."  So, that's just where I'll start.  In order to find that piece of me that is missing...that passion in my life...I have to first define for myself what passion is.

Webster's Dictionary defines passion as " a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept "  Ummmm....really?  Doesn't that sound a bit cold to you?  Shouldn't passion be something warm (hot even), something deep down inside you.  Something that you can't live without.  I am passionately in love with my husband. I'm a newlywed.  But this journey is not about the passion I share with him.  That is not the missing piece in my life - it is the perfect piece in my life.  I'm looking for that passion that is mine and just mine alone.  No one else has to understand it.  No one else has to share it.  I don't have to explain it to anyone, because it is what makes me complete.  Alright, so the dictionary was no help.  I must search elsewhere - what are those moments that "take {my} breath away," to which Maya Angelou referred??  I think it is in those moments that I will find myself.

I feel like I should have the Indiana Jones theme music playing in the background.  This is turning out to be quite the quest. 

Emily