The Laughter of Children...

I love this time of year.  The air has that hint of cozy winter nights to come and a crisp, clean aroma.  Pumpkins are keeping front doors company and the leaves are displaying their brilliant yellows and reds.  This time of year always makes me think back to my childhood - growing up in the mountains of Colorado.  There are few things in this world that I consider to be more beautiful than a mountain side covered in Aspen trees during the Fall.  And, of course, Fall meant that soon I'd be swishing down the face of one of the ski slopes without a care in the world!

In the craziness of our busy adult lives, it's hard to remember what being a child was like.  As a child, all we wanted was to be a grown-up.  As an adult, I often times wish for those carefree days when the most pressing issue was what role I would be cast in for that year's Nutcracker or which slope I'd ski on Saturday. 

It's too bad that we can't be born old and die young.  If we could, we'd have the knowledge that years of experience brings us that would allow us to appreciate those carefree childhood days and not wish them away.   There's no telling what science will bring us in the future.  Perhaps this will be possible. But for those of you reading this right now I think we're out of luck. 

But that doesn't mean all hope is lost...

I've found myself thinking about my childhood a lot lately - smiling at the good memories and laughing at the things I thought were life-altering when I was 10 years old (if only I had known!) And I realized I was letting myself be a child again - I was laughing just because.  And during that moment, all the stress in the world melted away.  I felt refreshed and rejuvenated.  I felt like I could face whatever "adult stresses" came my way.

We don't need to be children again physically.  But we need to allow ourselves time to be children again.  In an age where all we do is work and worry, listen to politicians go at one another and disagree over the referee's call in last night's game, it's awfully hard to express the light-hearted laughter of a child.

Whether with our loved ones or in private, if we all learned to laugh like a child once a day, perhaps we'd stop wishing to be the carefree child of our past and enjoy the life we've been given as an adult.

Milton Berle once said "laughter is an instant vacation."

hahahahaha!!!  Happy travels!!

-Emily

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…”

Over the years, I have come to loath this saying.  When I was 12 years old, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.  Since then, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t had to face up to this fact.  I’ve lost count of how often someone has told me “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” and I’ve always wanted to hit them for it.  While I still have trouble applying this to my mom’s situation, I find it kind of funny how aptly it describes my own life.  Again, what’s with the irony??

My spinal surgery was awful and the recovery has been anything but easy.  Yet, it didn’t kill me and I am finding that I am stronger in spite of it.  This surgery gave me the gift of time, which in turn gave me the gift of introspective thought.  In the age of email, smart phone and Internet, it’s rare that any of us sit down and think about ourselves anymore.   And it’s sad that it takes a personal tragedy or a major injury to force us to do it.

Something that I have discovered is that sometimes the biggest obstacle to achieving personal happiness isn’t finding what makes us happy, but finding the time in our busy lives to get there.  When I first came to the conclusion that I needed to find myself again, I thought the hardest part of the journey would be finding what was missing.  Funny…turns out that was the easiest part!  Coming to the realization that I had let something that was so important to me take a backseat to the daily stresses of life for so long was a big breakthrough.  It was great that I let my mind clear long enough to find that missing piece again.  But, that is only part of the journey.  Now that I’ve found it, I have to do something with it. 

Perhaps it’s a sign of the times (or perhaps I’m just listening more closely) but recently, I’ve heard a lot of people use the phrase “I wish….”  I’ve always equated wishing with dreaming.  After all, wasn’t it Cinderella who said “a dream is a wish your heart makes”?  And, I’ve always believed it is vitally important to have dreams, for it is in the dream that we find the motivation we need to reach higher and higher.  But, it seems like so many of us (myself included) spend so much time wishing things that we forget to act upon them!

And this is where I find myself currently.  I’ve taken the big step of admitting that I need to find my personal happiness again and I was lucky that I found what it was so quickly.  But, I haven’t done anything with this self-knowledge. Why you ask?  Because I’m back working again after surgery.  I’ve fallen into the same old habits. By the time I finish with work, battle stress, run errands and mark off my “to-do” list, I have no energy left to pursue my passion. And that, my friends, is just plain stupid! 

Life is about priorities and the next logical step in this whole process is to make my passion a priority.  But, life is also about responsibility and unfortunately, I can’t avoid it.  I do have to make a living, after all.  In a seemingly endless battle, priorities and responsibilities seem constantly at odds with one another.   But, life is too short to let one rule over the other.  Life is about finding that balance between priorities and responsibilities – I believe that it is in this balance that we find our personal happiness.  Some days the scale will tip one way or the other, but as long as there is a balance overall, than the opportunity is there for us to achieve our personal happiness – whatever that may be.

So the next stop in this journey isn't my acting classes as I had previously indicated.  It's finding that balance in my life that will allow me the freedom and opportunity to take those acting classes, immerse myself in the performing arts again and find my personal happiness.

Off to find balance in my life…

Emily

Right There In Front of You...

I recently heard a statistic that 43% of adults suffer adverse health effects from stress and that nearly 90% of all doctor's visits are for stress-related ailments.  There are even studies that show stress plays a major role in the incidence of some cancers!   This got me thinking...

We all experience stress in some form or another.  I can't think of anyone, anywhere who hasn't experienced stress at some point. And, if someone tells you they've never felt stress over anything, than that person's nose is probably growing like Pinocchio's!  Did I just rhyme?

Those that are good at dealing with stress, feel it when it is necessary.  They use it to their advantage and lock it away when the time comes to let go.  Part of me hates those kinds of people!  I'm NOT one of them.  For me, stress is a constant, albeit uninvited, companion. 

Ironically, it was stress that led me to a major development in my soul searching journey this week.  Doesn't irony just piss you off sometimes??

This past week has been particularly stressful in that it has been my first week working full force since my surgery.  While I am proud of the apparent motivation I have, it may have been a bit too much too soon.  Seeking to find respite from the self-imposed stress I was feeling, I poured myself a glass of wine and put on my all-time favorite show tune - Phantom of the Opera.  God love Andrew Lloyd Webber!  As I drifted off into another world, remembering the great memories that particular show has afforded me over the years, it suddenly hit me.  My greatest passion has been, and always will be, the theatre!  It is in the theatre that I have found the majority of those moments that, as Maya Angelou said, "take [my] breath away." And, for the first time in a long time, I'm not actively involved in it.

As a child, I participated in school plays and musicals.  Auditioned for the local talent shows and followed anything and everything that was ballet or Broadway. For years, I danced ballet.  Regardless of what was happening in my life, the minute the first notes on the piano began and my hand touched the cold barre on the wall, everything else melted away.  It was just me and the music.  And, even after all of these years, I can still smell the backstage of the opera house and feel the excitement that hit the instant you walked through the stage door.  Even after I stopped dancing, I fulfilled that part of me with teaching others how to dance. 

When I decided to go to work for a performing arts company as a grant writer, my passion for the theatre intertwined with the stress of it being a full-time career and this started to eat away at what had always been my sanctuary.  Even when I was an audience member at an unrelated performance, the stresses of my job were always present.  Perhaps my move to real estate was a subconscious step toward regaining that place in my life where I go to get away from everything - to finding that missing piece. 

Given my background, childhood passions and interests, I'm not in the least bit surprised that I found what I was looking for while listening to The Phantom of the Opera (my mom is probably laughing!)   And, in a strange way, I can credit the Phantom with inspiring my next move...community theatre!  A place that is just mine.  A place to let go.  A place to feel that excitement again. 

It's amazing how what we're looking for the most, is often times right there in front of us.  It just takes something (or someone) to open our eyes.

Next stop...acting & singing lessons (it's been a while)...I can't wait!  Stay tuned.  This is either going to be great or a complete disaster.  Either way, it's going to be a lot of fun!

Emily

It's Always Best To Start At The Beginning

I worry.  I worry a lot!  I'm a perfectionist, who takes everything to heart and always questions what could have been done differently.  I am the first to admit when I am wrong.  I am the last to admit defeat and I often times blame myself for things that are really beyond my control.  I am the queen of second guessing myself - professionally and personally.  And, I can tell you first-hand this is a very stressful way to live!  So, as I take on my soul searching quest, my first realization is that I must change the level of stress and pressure I exert on myself.  This could be easier said than done!  Stay tuned for further updates...this is a work in progress!

This morning, as I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for him to tell me if my surgery was successful or not (yikes!), I started to think. Uh Oh!  What if he tells me the surgery wasn't successful.  What if I have months more of having to sit back and watch the world race by.  I slept very little last night.  Fortunately, he gave me great news and now I've been given the ok to begin life as usual.  But, this surgery has put everything into perspective for me.  "Life as usual" is not what I want.  Now that I've been cleared physically, I have an amazing chance to make a difference in my life.  But where do I start??

Glinda, the "Good Witch" once told a young girl from OZ that "it's always best to start at the beginning."  So, that's just where I'll start.  In order to find that piece of me that is missing...that passion in my life...I have to first define for myself what passion is.

Webster's Dictionary defines passion as " a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept "  Ummmm....really?  Doesn't that sound a bit cold to you?  Shouldn't passion be something warm (hot even), something deep down inside you.  Something that you can't live without.  I am passionately in love with my husband. I'm a newlywed.  But this journey is not about the passion I share with him.  That is not the missing piece in my life - it is the perfect piece in my life.  I'm looking for that passion that is mine and just mine alone.  No one else has to understand it.  No one else has to share it.  I don't have to explain it to anyone, because it is what makes me complete.  Alright, so the dictionary was no help.  I must search elsewhere - what are those moments that "take {my} breath away," to which Maya Angelou referred??  I think it is in those moments that I will find myself.

I feel like I should have the Indiana Jones theme music playing in the background.  This is turning out to be quite the quest. 

Emily

Finding Moments That Take Our Breath Away

Life, it’s a funny thing, isn’t it?  Whether you believe life comes from God or Mother Nature, it’s one of the greatest gifts we, as humans, receive.  It’s brief, but it’s amazing.  Yet, so many of us just let life happen to us.  What we should be doing is make life happen to us.  

Recently, I underwent some serious surgery that has forced me to take time off from work.  This surgery couldn’t have hit at a worse time.  I had just left a corporate 9-5 job to start my own business.  I knew it was going to be a hard transition, but I wanted the freedom to control my own success.  And then, boom!!  Out on the sidelines watching the world move on without me.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about things lately and I realized that for so long I have defined my life not by who I am, but what I do.  Whether it was corporate marketing, grant writing, real estate or being a wife to a wonderful man, I was defining me by what I did on a daily basis.  And, when I was prevented from fulfilling these roles to the full extent, I was lost.   

My life was controlling me when it should be the other way around.  So, where to begin?  How do I start making life happen to me, when for so long I have just let it happen to me?   This is going to call for some in-depth soul searching and I’m guessing I’m not the first person to which this has happened.

Maya Angelou once said “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”  Life is about finding passion.  It is in passion that we find ourselves, and it is finding that passion that this blog is about.

Please join me in this quest to find passion and those “moments that take our breath away.”  Perhaps we can find it together.

Emily